Dragon Bait

The busty stripper with sandy blond hair peered through the curtain focusing her eyes on the large, red-tailed dragon in the front row. 'Oh, no' Jocelyn thought. 'him again.' She peered through the curtain again to see if there was anyone else and saw an ogre, a hunchback, and something that looked like a pig with antlers. She cursed and walked back to the edge of the stage. When she took this job she had imagined meeting a prince or a knight or at least a squire with a good family. These days she was lucky if none of the customers had two heads. She sighed and put on her most superficial grin. There are few things more desperately poetic than a beautiful young woman who has reached the end of her rope.

The jester started playing his lute. 'Well,' she thought, adjusting her bra. 'Might as well get it over with' and she walked onto the catwalk.

In another era Jocelyn might have been thought of as extraordinarily beautiful, but in this one her features were usually seen as just a little too broad. Her mouth was just a smidgen too wide. Her hips were a little too round. Her bosom was a little too big, if there was such a thing. This might have hurt her in the outside world, but in the fun house atmosphere of her current profession, it worked to her advantage.

At the bar, the dragon took a puff off on its cigarette and put it out on the side of his ale. With its large red tail and green leathery wings it looked a little like a jalapeño pepper. It peered at the stripper and smiled, which made it's face form a large, devilish V.

“Hello handsome,” she cooed as she reached the end of the catwalk.

“Hello lunch,” it answered cynically.

The stripper bent over low and cocked her hip towards the dragon. She pulled her g-string away from her waist and smiled. The dragon slid a large smooth claw against her even smoother skin, leaving a bill as he did so. The stripper stood up and turned her back to him.

“Is that all I get for my money?” the dragon asked.

“If you like I can go dance for the ogre.”

The dragon held up another large bill in its other paw. The stripper took it with her teeth and removed her brassiere.

The dragon beat its wings.

“What's your name sweetie?” The dragon asked for the millionth time.

“The same as it is every night sweetie,” she answered twirling around.

“Jocelyn.” The dragon said.

“Princess Jocelyn,” she corrected.

The dragon pulled out another cigarette, held between two talons and lit it by blowing on it. “You should drop the princess, men don't find that sexy. A princess is just a woman who will always tell you her father was richer and more powerful than you are. You'd be better off claiming you were a farmer's daughter.”

This surprised the stripper. She wondered if he could tell she was a farmer's daughter She found herself blushing, but hid it by turning around and bending over. “Is that right?” she asked.

“I've eaten enough princesses to know.”

“Is that your stock in trade?” she asked, turning her back to him once more and gyrating her hips.

The dragon inhaled its cigarette. Smoke and a little bit of fire blew out of its nostrils. “Well, a monster's gotta eat.”

“And you sleep on a mound of gold, breathe fire, that kind of thing?” she asked.

“Usually I try to sleep on silver,” the dragon answered. “It's better for your back.”

“Terrorize villagers?” she went on.

“When I can. These days there are very few people who are willing to own up to being a villager. It lowers property values, I think.”

“Kill heroes?” she asked.

“Ah, I hate to burst your bubble there sweetheart, but that part's a myth. I breath fire, I'll steal away princesses, I'll even terrorize the occasional villager from time to time, but there are no heroes.”

Jocelyn kept on dancing, but had to refrain from rolling her eyes. “No heroes? Is that right?” she asked. “Why, did you eat all of them too?”

The dragon rolled its head around on its shoulders and licked one of its eyeballs with its long, sandpaper tongue. “I didn't have to. There are no heroes. There never were. That's probably why you took this job, isn't it?” It added bitterly. “You thought you'd meet some handsome white knight with shiny metal underpants?”

“It wasn't the underpants that I was hoping were made of metal,” Jocelyn admitted.

Her answer apparently pleased him because the dragon he held out another bill. Jocelyn took it with her teeth, which the dragon also seemed to appreciate.

“So why are there no heroes?” Jocelyn asked. “Did you eat all of them too?”

“I didn't have to eat them,” The dragon answered, thumping its tail irritably. “There never were any in the first place. There are no heroes because nobody believes in them. Everybody wants to be one, sure, but no one has any faith, and without faith heroes become nothing. People tear them down before they even get started and instead of good deeds the good men who would become heroes get bogged down. They get involved in politics, or art, or whatever it is and they end up fighting each other. You're living proof of that.”

“You do you say that?” she asked.

“Because Princess, no hero would have left you here in a place like this.”

Jocelyn realized that she had stopped dancing. Everything about her felt diminished, even her gigantic breasts seemed small. How had she ended up like this? The dragon had been right, of course, right about her anyway. He had her pegged from the moment she'd walked in. For a monster he was remarkably perceptive.

“I think you're wrong,” she whispered, her voice barely audible above the jester's lute. “I think there are heroes. There are good people who can do great things and when I find one I'm going to believe in him.”

And suddenly it occurred to Jocelyn that perhaps she already had. She looked into the dragon's fiery eyes. In a strange way it made sense. After all, what was a monster but a hero from someplace else?”

Jocelyn took a deep breath. “You don't live in a cave do you?” she asked. “Because I'm not going to a cave.”

Even with his scaly skin the look of surprise on the dragon's face was palpable. “No, it's one of those old castles with a moat,” he mumbled sheepishly. “It's a nice place. A little old, but you can see the ocean from the top of the west tower.”

“Is it drafty?”

“I wouldn't know?” he admitted. “I breathe fire.”

Jocelyn picked up her bra. “I get off in an hour,” she said. “You can pick me up around back.”

The dragon sat in stunned silence for a long moment, staring at her until, finally the words “Are you sure?” came out of his mouth.

Jocelyn looked at him and nodded. “I'm like most princesses I guess,” she answered, looking him in the eye. “I came in looking for a knight and wound up as dragon bait.”